Remember when I insisted on getting my own pair of Levis denim jeans and black and white Adidas sneakers exactly like what you always wear? I was 6 years old. You went to a tailor and had your own Levis copied and took off a Levis tag from one of your own to put on my brand new ones. I was so happy walking around wearing exactly the same thing as you. I was your mini me and I was so proud.
Remember when we used to sneak out of Mom's watchful eyes and go watch a scary movie in town? Then on the way home, we would buy a kilo of mangoes and merrily eat it all before we got home?.. I remember the first movie you took me too. It was Dracula with Christopher Lee. You had to put me on your shoulders as the moviehouse was so full and they ran out of seats but I insisted on watching the movie so you had to stand up for the whole movie with me on your shoulders. I loved you so much for it.
When I was a teenager - remember we used to sit in the porch and cackle at every passerby, make up stories about them and gossip about our neighbours? How we loved those passing the day like that.
Remember the rooster you gave me? So I could come with you and older brother to the cockfights pretending I was one of the guys? But never allowing my rooster to take part for fear I would howl my way home and face Mom's wrath? I loved you so much for it.
Remember when I spent a year in and out of hospital for a year and was so upset for missing out so much on my first year at school and you told me I should be so lucky I have two houses. One (my home) by the beach and one with more than a 100 rooms in it (the hospital). I was so proud I took the hospital's picture to class for show and tell. I was 5 years old.
When it was your turn to be in a hospital, why couldnt I come up with something like that Dad? Why couldnt I make you laugh or come up with something witty to ease your pain? Or anything.. to stop your eyes from dimming... to stop your mind from wandering off somewhere where I couldnt reach you with a wisecrack.
I am so sorry. I had nothing. I tried. I racked my brains for something. Anything. But your jester daughter couldnt come up with anything. And I hope you could forgive her.
I miss you Dad.
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